Repentance
by Angelic-Phantom
Summary: I have always hated Raul, even when I first read the book. I wanted to see the Phantom kill him so badly, so that's what I wrote in my fic. Sorry for my mistakes in my previous version of my fic. I'm Russian and I never read the book in English. Finished!
1. Default Chapter

Repentance

They called me the opera ghost, the phantom of the opera, due to my signature of letters sent to the managers of the opera house. My name is Eric. The girl Christine Daae captivated me from the beginning, fist by the untamed sound of her voice, then by her radiant beauty. I knew I had to have her, even if it meant taking drastic measures. I had to let her know me. She would be the one to give light to my music that I wrote alone, in the darkness under the opera. It was far too simple to do, though, finding this way to her. Her desire to receive the Angel of Music who would be sent to her by her father made it so easy to draw her into me, even before she saw me. It made me feel guilty from the beginning that she was so naïve.

I gave her lessons to perfect her voice, and when she sang, I felt she would shatter me with it. Somewhere inside, I knew that she would never be mine the way I wanted her to be. I wanted her to be more than my pupil, more than my instrument in bringing my music to life. My face would terrify her the moment she saw it, as it did everyone. She might love me as a teacher, as a friend, and, possibly, a guardian, as she had none, but the position of lover or husband would never be mine, and I knew it, though I told myself it was possible to keep myself from insanity… if I indeed was sane at the time. I think she drove me mad with the first glimpse I ever caught of her.

The day came nearer to the performance of _Faust_ and I had made it clear that Box 1 was to be left vacant for my attendance of the performance, as had always been an agreement with the former managers of the opera. The new managers did not please me with their attitude toward me, but I payed it little heed. I was preparing Christine for what she was born to be: Prima Dona.

I found that my simple wishes had been ignored. My private box was sold. It angered me that I had been disobeyed and I wrote a series of angry letters, which Madame Giry aided me in getting to Richard Firmin and Gilles Andre. I had no Idea what was to come next. The treachery that was meant to be, that was inevitable finally found me, and it used the one person closest to me.

The viscount Raul de Chagny was the second to be enchanted by Christine, but he held a power over her that I cold never have. My mask hid the reason, though she knew what it was. The viscount was what I was not, and never could be, a charming face. I wanted to be rid of him. I wanted Christine to be solely mine once more and remain so. I thought about it each night, as if seeing her made me think of it. How dare she betray me?! I couldn't say. I'd give her a choice… yes… see what she thinks then! I'd punish her for her disloyalty to me. And the viscount for seducing her away from me! They would both be punished by this one decision which Christine would make! I thought long on it… how would I do it? Murder was in my past, and I didn't want to make it obvious. People would suspect me, and I knew they would. It had to be done. I made up my mind.

That night would be the night. I'd set a trap that Raul would not fail to fall into… He'd have to come for Christine if he wanted to prove he loved her. Oh! It was so perfect. How wonderfully perfect it was. The girl, naïve, stupid girl, would have to choose me if she wanted her lover to live. If she chose Raul, I'd kill him, and he'd live if she chose me. That way, if she loved Raul, she'd be deprived of him in equally painful ways… and if she loved me, then Raul would be tortured without her…

Everything went as planned. It was flawless. I marveled at the beauty of it. Christine stood before me, and Raul took her hand, "I will save you, Christine," he told her so that I'd be sure to hear, "Don't let him manipulate you…"

I laughed as he said this. I loved to hear him say it with such confidence, "Ignorant boy," I said, "On the contrary. It is up to her to save you, Viscount de Chagny. Christine, you must choose. The choice will not be easy or perhaps it will. The terms are: Remain loyal to me, and Raul will live to the end of his life peacefully, as any other man would, most likely find another…" I said this slowly, taunting the imbecile of a boy who deemed himself worthy of Christine's affections.

"Don't listen, Christine. There will never be another!" he said in a melodramatic, heroic voice that seemed to drip with the reading of Shakespeare and other idealistic romances. I laughed as he said it.

"The other choice… You choose your lover, and I will kill him now, without hesitation, and you will live your life as you choose. I do not want you if you would chose this creature over your Angel of Music. You have betrayed me, Christine. You must be punished for your wrongs."

Christine looked marvelously confused, and how I loved to see that look on her face after she'd infuriated me so. Watching her as she looked from me to her cursed lover almost gave me satisfaction for her wrongs as it was… but no. She had to suffer for what she did.

What she did next shocked me beyond my imagination. I'd half expected her to rush into my arms weeping and demanding that Raul leave her now and never speak to her again. But she rushed to Raul and took his hand, climbing into the little rowboat, leaving the lantern behind them. I laughed as she did this and I drew my pistol cocked and fired. I couldn't see my target well, but his silhouette was clear to see. I heard him shout as the bullet hit him, but I knew the wound hadn't been a fatal one. If it was I'd have head the sound of his body hit the boat, or fall in the water. I fired again, still only able to guess as to the accuracy of my aim. Christine screamed and I heard the sound I'd wanted to hear. The body fell over the dies of the rowboat and made the most perfect splash. The poor girl screamed again and again and I pictured the wonderful sight of her in the boat looking at poor damned Raul, his blood turning the water red around him, and Christine's white dress spattered with his blood. I listened to her scream again and again and wondered how long it would take for someone to hear her. Or if they'd even care. Christine, in their eyes, had become a lunatic, a girl driven mad by ambition and loneliness.

"Where are you going, little Christine? To whom will you run?" I called after her,

laughing. I heard her desperate rowing stop and listened to her frightened sobs as she sat in the boat. It seemed she was in indecisionb whether to run, or come back. It seemed like hours passed while she just sat there. I put my weapon away, and ame back to stand by the water as I waited for her, "You make up your mind, Christine…" I called to her, and I heard her row toward the other shore, listened to her little shoes as they tapped on the stone steps. I turned around and sat at my organ, though I didn't feel like playing it again. I'd killed again. Murder was haunting me again, as it had the first time. As I thought on it, the more I began to abhor myself. Christine was gone, and most likely would never return. Never again would I hear her voice as I played the organ, and never would she become what she and I both wanted her to be…


	2. Repentence Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

So I thought. I left the Opera for a time, knowing I couldn't stay.

After perhaps two months, (I lost track of time,) I began to regret what I had done. Christine's desperate screaming was too much to bear anymore. I'd wounded her; broken the one I'd loved so deeply. For that I could never begin to forgive myself ever again. I truly was a monster.

I had to go back. I had to see her again, no matter what the price was… I had to at least try to tell her.

That night, I went back to her dressing room to find it exactly as it had always been. Christine sat on the other side of the room combing out her hair idly. She was pale, looking sickly, and I knew it was my doing. At that moment, I very nearly turned away and left without speaking to her, but she glanced in the two-way mirror and then I knew I couldn't.

"E- Erik?" she asked quietly, seeming scared, startled by me. She looked almost as if she would faint.

"Christine," I began, "Don't be frightened… please don't be frightened of me…"

"Why have you come back?" she asked, and she ran to the door for help, but on her own, she stopped, turned back around and sat in front of the mirror, "What do you want from me?" she asked in the same sad, quiet voice.

"I… I couldn't tell you myself, Christine…," I said. I truly didn't know what I wanted. No.. another lie. I wanted her to love me again. I wanted her to forget what I'd done and let me be her Angel of Music once more, "I wanted you to know how dear you are to me, and that I truly am…"

She waited for me to finish what I had to say, but when I didn't, she asked, "Truly are what? An evil angel? Or a monster of a man?" she asked him.

"I am a monster," I said, "And I am… God, words do not exist, Christine, to tell you what I have to say, and no music could ever express it either… I will leave you in peace. I hope that your career will keep going the way we wanted." With that I turned to leave, my face disappearing from the mirror before her.

Somehow, my feet lead me to the cemetery until I stood in front of her father's grave where I'd seen her so many times, and where I longed to see her once more with her cloak tight around her. I heard footsteps behind me and I didn't have to turn to know who was there. I didn't move and let the police grab me by the arms. I must repent my sins. No punishment could be great enough for what I had done to Christine.

When I was beginning to savor the thought of my death, when the thought of my release from this foul body and even fouler face seemed like sanctuary, I heard that voice that I thought I'd heard for the last time, "No, officer," she said calmly, "This is not he," she told the policemen who held me. They let me go and they dipped their head in apology, and they left.

Christine stared at me a moment, and I at her. Neither of us spoke for the longest time and the snow falling made it seem even more quiet.

"Why, Christine?" I asked her after I felt I had the courage to speak.

"I… I was wrong," she said and a tear fell down her face, "You gave me everything, and I betrayed you. I wasn't worthy of your love, Erik. Raoul, God rest him, would never have given me what you did, and I… I need my Angel again."

"You were worthy, Christine," I told her, "You are perfection. Your Angel will always answer you." I couldn't believe I said it. It would have been more fitting if I'd thrown myself at her feet and begged her… and yet here was my little Christine Daae wanting me once more. How it hurt! To see her so sad, thinking it was she who was wrong…

She reached her hand out to touch my face then, as I stood there in disbelief. Her light, thin, delicate fingers touched my mask and slowly moved down to touch my chin, and then the other side, and gently touched the bare skin. How cold she was. I put my hand gently over hers and I smiled. I couldn't believe her. No earthly woman had this capacity to forgive. It was she who was my angel, and not I hers.

"Please, Erik… Say you will return to me. Say that you will guide me until my dying day," she said as she looked into my eyes.

"No, Christine," I told her, looking at the ground, "The truth must be said. I am a monster, and a murderer. Let me beg you, from the deepest reaches of my heart, say that you loathe me. How could you… want me back?"

She stood there and her mouth hung open very slightly and a tear formed in her eye, "You are right to be angry with me… I am not worthy of your greatness," she said and the tear fell down her cheek slowly.

I reached my gloved hand out to her face and took it from her chin, "No, Christine. It is I who am not worthy. I will be your Angel of Music once again if that is what your which of me. I thought a few moments ago I would die for you, my beautiful Christine…"

She gave a smiled and then she did what I never thought she would. She stepped closer to me, ever so slowly, yet not hesitatingly, and she put her arms around me in a gentle embrace, silently begging me to hold her as well. I did as she asked, and I was glad that she couldn't see when a tear fell down my own face under the mask. Then she killed me. She gently pulled the mask partway off my face and her warm, soft lips met mine in a true, loving kiss.

As she pulled away from me and met my eyes I sobbed against her as she still held me…

How that kiss hurt, and yet how long after that I remembered it. That night she returned to the Opera and every night after, I came to her dressing room, just to speak with her. Sometimes she would invite me in to sit with her by her fire and how I loved it when she would rest her head against my shoulder and let me put my arm round her.

Never did we feel anything more than love, but love we had and I didn't know who to ever show her how grateful I was for it. All that matter was now, she truly was my Christine…


End file.
